


Death of the Author

by Leasspell Dæl (leasspell_dael)



Category: Subarashiki Kono Sekai | The World Ends With You
Genre: Canon-Typical Discussion of Death, Depression, M/M, Post-Reaper's Game (Subarashiki Kono Sekai), Pre-Minamimoto Sho/Sakuraba Neku, Swearing, TWEWY Bang 2018
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-10-08
Updated: 2018-10-08
Packaged: 2019-07-28 03:19:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,492
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16233134
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/leasspell_dael/pseuds/Leasspell%20D%C3%A6l
Summary: The Game is over, Neku and his new friends are alive, and Shibuya is still kicking. Trauma doesn't fade that quickly though and Neku struggles to process everything he went through--everything he learned. No matter how much he hangs out with his friends and tries to enjoy his new life, there's a darkness inside him he's desperate to hide.Found-object art starts cropping up all over Shibuya, and Neku's pretty sure he's seen Minamimoto out of the corner of his eyes in the crowds. With Joshua and Mr. Hanekoma MIA, this might be Neku's one chance to get closure.The question: is Neku willing to risk a meeting with the Reaper to settle old ghosts?





	Death of the Author

**Author's Note:**

> I like to say a big thanks to the TWEWY Big Bang 2018 moderators for their hard work, and an even bigger thanks so my partner [Roxas/Neku](http://a-nobody-named-roxas.tumblr.com/), who did a [beautiful piece of artwork](http://subasekabang.tumblr.com/post/178764187906/artist-roxasneku-twitter-title-under-the) to accompany my story!

Neku keeps going back.

To Hachiko. The Scramble Crossing. Ten-Four. CAT's mural. 

He keeps going back, and Neku doesn't know why. It's not just the incidental travels when he's going about Shibuya with his friends; he wanders at night when he can't sleep-- 

_no timer no blankness no missing-time_

\--when he's alone and has no goals besides the passing of time. 

He keeps going back. 

He keeps seeing ghosts. 

Not real ghosts; not Reapers or Players or Noise. Just-- 

_777's collar spinning to a stop on the ground_  
flowers under an overpass  
a small café littered with broken glass 

\--memories and nightmares; the souvenirs of a game he never asked to play. 

Sometimes Neku visits the landmarks with purpose. Hachiko to meet up with Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme. CAT's mural in Udagawa to talk at Joshua. Shops where he's built relationships with the employees. Each visit part of his efforts to reconcile the Shibuya of his past with the Shibuya of the Game with the Shibuya he now lives in. 

Some days he backslides; puts on his headphones and shuts out the world. He's not a saint, and change is hard. Some days Neku lives so thoroughly in the present, he can forget when he was alone; can forget when every day was a shot of adrenaline that never stopped. 

Some days he checks his phone incessantly for a mission that will never appear and scratches at his hand to soothe an itch from a timer that will never count down to zero. 

Given all of this bullshit scrambling his brains as he tries to survive one day after the other, Neku thinks he can be forgiven for thinking Sho Minamimoto was a figment of his imagination. 

The truth started with a bullet. 

Fucking Joshua. 

* * *

_CRACK_  
his backside meets the asphalt  
it feels like there's cotton in his ears  
somehow he still hears... 

"Blew it..." 

* * *

"Ew; that's tacky." 

"I think it's kinda creative. A commentary on our consumerist society; both judging and part-of..." 

Neku looked up from where Beat was showing him a skateboard trick. In theory Rhyme was showing Shiki the same thing, but it sounded like they'd gotten distracted. 

Across the plaza, sat a heap of junk. Not the towering monstrosities that Pi-Face had left littered around the UG in Neku's second week, but a person-shaped sculpture of found objects, wagging a scolding finger at the viewer. 

It was similar enough to make the blood drain from Neku's face though. Beat just scowled. 

"Maybe," Shiki conceded, face still twisted in a grimace. Looking over to the boys, mouth opened to say something--ask them for backup maybe--she came to a complete stop. Her eyes widened a fraction, before she glanced over her shoulder at the abomination. 

Face hardening, Shiki scooped up her board in one arm and looped arms with Rhyme using her other, dragging them both over to Neku and Beat. 

"Let's bounce; Towa Records has a sale on today I didn't want to miss." 

* * *

Neku wasn't sure why he always went to CAT's mural in Udagawa whenever he wanted to talk to Joshua. He'd tried visiting the sewer access to the Composer's lair, but in the RG it was nothing but a storm drain. It didn't feel like anything special, except that his memories told him otherwise. 

The Cat Café remained closed, though its insides were pristine when viewed through the window. 

Minamimoto's rampage had occurred in the UG after all. 

With the café closed, Neku had no way to contact Mr. Hanekoma; no way to reach out to Josh. Their numbers were no longer in his phone. 

So he'd wandered over to Udagawa, crossing through alleys until he found CAT's last mural. 

The paint was already beginning to peel--CAT had always made his murals transitory, but usually something new would crop up before the old one disappeared--but Neku still found comfort in it. He ran his hand along the wall, chips of paint flicking off with his progress, taking in the details that had yet to fade. Living in the moment. 

Until his hand hit a pit in the concrete. 

Jarred back into reality, Neku looked at the imperfection in the wall and felt his blood run cold. 

It was a bullet-hole. 

Suddenly, Neku was back in the moment of his death as Joshua loomed above him, gun pointed straight at Neku's heart-- 

\--except, that didn't make sense. 

Whipping around, Neku saw the spot where he had lain all those weeks ago. It was meters away. Wandering over, there was a matching bullet hole in the asphalt. 

Returning to the wall, he ran his hand lightly over the imperfection. 

"So where did you come from, then?" Joshua had only needed one bullet to take Neku out. 

Then again, they hadn't been alone in the alley that day. 

_I blew it..._

And Neku wasn't the only one who was shot. 

* * *

Beat was fretting. 

In any other circumstance, Neku would probably take the opportunity to tease his friend mercilessly. Beat took such pride in his 'tough man' attitude, that the mother-henning was a little adorable. 

But it was about Rhyme, and for their group that would probably always make such teasing too soon. 

Specifically, it was about Rhyme's ambitions. Or lack-thereof. 

"But she has all of her memories back, right?" Shiki asked quietly. 

Snorting, Beat crossed his arms defensively across his chest, kicking at a pebble as they wandered by A-East. "She knows things _I_ forgot 'bout. She's still as smart--as skilled--as she's always been. 

"Just... she's not doin' anything _with_ it anymore. Tags along with me more often than not." 

Unlike Shiki and Neku whose friends-groups pre-Game had been, respectively, small and non-existent, Beat had a large group of connections he spent time with, and Rhyme had had her own. While Beat had made the effort to reconnect with his other friends, Rhyme hadn't. 

Apparently, she hadn't been doing much of anything. 

Today was a rare day where she was separated from Beat's side by a group project she was doing for school, and Beat had wasted no time bringing his concerns to them. 

"It just don't make no sense! Rhyme always had a million million things she was lookin' to do. Didn't have time for it all. We'd havta plan times to skateboard together just to make sure we had time to do it! Did... Did something go wrong?" 

When they were brought back, Beat meant. When Rhyme was restored. 

"She's been through an ordeal, Beat. We all have. And she's the youngest of all of us," Shiki was explaining gently, her hand lightly placed on Beat's forearm where the boy was clutching his hat in frustration. "If she's a bit clingy for a while, that's to be expected." 

Neku followed along behind them, silently thinking that Shiki was wrong. 

Well, not that Shiki was wrong. Shiki was absolutely right. 

But Beat was too. 

Neku feared that Rhyme wasn't going to get better, like Shiki was claiming would happen with time. 

_"I really admire how he has a goal and is giving his all to reach it!  
I wish I had something like that..."_

_"Rhyme was always the one with dreams and ambitions._  
I just said that thing about being the best skater  
so she'd stop looking so lost..." 

_"You fool! Her memories weren't_ her _entry fee--  
They were _ yours _!"_

Rhyme didn't get her entry fee back. Neku got his memories and Shiki back, Shiki her appearance, and Beat got Rhyme's memories. They were all brought back to life, but only Rhyme's fee had been kept. 

Why? Because even though she was brought back, she had lost? 

_"Your entry fee has already been collected."_

And what did that mean for Neku, who won every Game except for the last? 

Still, Neku didn't know anything for sure. No point is upsetting Beat more than he was. 

* * *

10-4 had one of Pi-face's statues sitting in front of it. 

Shiki made a face as she dragged a snarling Beat into the shopping centre. Beat needed 'something nice' to wear to an interview for a part-time job and had made the mistake of mentioning this in Shiki's hearing. Neku kept strategically silent to prevent her focus from shifting onto him. Rhyme was giggling over their antics, which was always a win. 

The statue caught Rhyme's attention, so Neku paused with her, grimacing slightly at it. 

The core of it had once been a shopping cart--maybe two of them--but the wires had been beaten and reworked into a vaguely human shape. The framework was then papered-over with shopping bags from all the different stores in the centre. 

It was trash and an eyesore, but at least it wasn't a literal heap of garbage like they had been in the UG. 

"We are what we consume..." Rhyme murmured, her outstretched hand gliding over the contours of the shape, never quite touching. Hovering over an oddly placed wheel sticking out from a shoulder, she finally made contact, sending the wheel spinning before stepping back to observe it as a whole. "Do we move society, or does society move us?" 

Neku looked at the statue, and just saw trash. "You really get all of that from this?" 

Despite Beat's concerns about her ambition, Rhyme didn't seem unhappy. In fact, she turned to Neku with a beaming smile. "Oh yes! The artist has put so much passion into their work. They must have a lot of drive to be making so many in such a short amount of time!" 

_Plenty of time when you're dead_ , Neku supposed. "Sounds like you're a fan." 

A blush dusted her cheeks, but Rhyme didn't look down or ashamed of her enthusiasm. Instead, she elbowed Neku in the ribs, a teasing grin twitching her lips. "Kinda like how you feel about CAT, right?" 

CAT... 

Mr. Hanekoma... 

CAT's artwork was a major inspiration for Neku. Even back when he was too self-absorbed to actualize the message, he'd felt it: 

Seize The Day. 

During the Games, Mr. Hanekoma had been Neku's rock, the one person he trusted to lay out the rules and show him how to navigate the challenges. 

Until the last week. 

Why had Mr. Hanekoma been helping Pi-face? If he was helping Minamimoto, why was he there when Josh shot him the second time? 

Why had he looked so gleeful? 

To say Neku's feelings about CAT were complicated was an understatement. 

Much like his feelings for Joshua. 

"Yeah," he confirmed to Rhyme, not wanting to voice his thoughts out loud. "CAT's a big inspiration for me. Do you think you'd want to do something like these... things?" 

The world went quiet. 

Rhyme's eyes widened before she hunched in slightly, darting her eyes over to the Consumerist Nightmare that had so caught her attention. The blush on her cheeks deepened. 

"Do... do you think I could?" she asked, a tremor in her voice Neku didn't think he'd ever heard from her before. 

_Oh god, do something better_

_Choose something more meaningful_

_Why would you want to_

Neku squashed all of the negative thoughts. It didn't matter what he thought. 

"Of course," he told her, slinging an arm around her shoulders in a half-hug. "Draft your brother into helping with any heavy-lifting, though, y'hear?" 

* * *

Beat would complain vociferously over the next few weeks about Rhyme collecting trash and junk, but underneath it all Neku and Shiki could hear his relief. She was no longer aimlessly following him around, often co-opting his assistance even if he'd had other plans. 

Rhyme had a dream again. And that was worth everything to Beat. 

It gave Neku hope that whatever had been stolen from him was something he could gain back. 

Now he just needed to figure out whatever that was. 

* * *

It was fragile. 

Sitting in the middle of the back-alley with CAT's last mural was another one of Minamimoto's _things_. 

A ceramic bowl, attached to a collection of glass bottles wired together in a mass that was leaned against a squashed bean-bag chair, more bottles chained together on each side to create four sprawled limbs. 

And to add insult to injury, it was all topped with a mop-head that had been dyed orange, with a set of earphones over the top of that. 

Walking into the alley to see this perverse caricature of himself in the worst moment of his life... 

The world stopped. 

No chirping birds or humming cicadas. No traffic or conversation from the street. 

Everything became that... that... Abomination! 

Neku's blood rushed in his ears, and he clenched his fists at his sides, knuckles white. His palm itched. He couldn't catch his breath. 

On the ground was a chunk of concrete. Neku didn't remember picking it up. Neku did remember throwing it. 

Shattering glass sounds nothing like the crack of a gunshot, but somehow the two became linked in Neku's mind. The rock went straight through the "torso" and somehow Neku had just become complicit in his own death. 

Blood spread out from his corpse and all Neku could see was Joshua's smirk and Hanekoma's mirth, and _why were they taking joy in this? Wasn't it enough that he couldn't do what had to be done?_

"For fuck's sake." 

The Composer's throne room faded away, and Neku was back in the gritty reality of the back-alleys of Udagawa. Shattered glass was at his feet, and red liquid spilled from the broken bottles. 

From the smell of it, it was paint. 

And standing at it's head, a bundle of cloth under one arm, was the Grim Heaper himself, scowling at Neku as if he were the scum beneath his feet. 

"You've completely screwed up the order of operations here, yoctogram. Breaking the glass was supposed to happen _after_ it was clothed." He tossed the bundle to the side in frustration. "Do you have any idea how much your petty vandalism has upset my precisely calculated schedule? Just... just scram. I've got numbers to crunch." 

And then Minamimoto crouched down, poking at the _thing's_ torso, checking to see what was salvageable from his little arts-and-crafts project. 

Never mind that the real thing was standing right in front of him. Neku was dismissed as if he were nothing. 

Sometimes Neku felt like he was nothing. 

(Sometimes that was a relief, not having the weight of Shibuya's fate on his shoulders, and sometimes it made him mad, because he was a person and he mattered.) 

Neku stalked past Minamimoto, kicked the head off the 'statue' (which also shattered and leaked red paint against the back wall of one of the businesses backing on the alley), reached the mural and laid his palms against it trying to ground himself. 

He was alive. He wasn't on a timer. He wasn't in the Game. Shiki was safe. Rhyme and Beat were safe. _Shibuya_ was safe. 

Kitaniji was an asshole. Joshua was an asshole. Hanekoma was an asshole. Fucking Minamimoto was an asshole. 

"Woah woah woah there, kid!" 

A hand around his wrist, and a jerk as Neku's arm's momentum halted. Neku stared blankly at the wall, at the flecks of paint slowly detaching and falling to the ground or blown away by the wind. 

He fist pulsed with his heartbeat, and now there really was blood. When had he started punching the wall? 

"Got some anger issues there, I see. You done dividing by zero?" 

Neku jerked his wrist out of Minamimoto's grasp with a snarl before twisting to put his back to the wall and sliding down, bloody hand cradled to his chest, head buried in his knees. 

"Fuck off." 

The last thing Neku expected was for Pi-face to sit down next to him, looking uncertain. 

"Not exactly a safe neighborhood, kid. Why don'tcha go home already?" 

"Fuck _you_." 

"Yes," Neku could _hear_ the eye-roll. "We've established your masterful proficiency with our language. Chop, chop. Time's a wasting. Go home. Fix up your hand. Stop your delinquent ways. Yada yada yada." 

But Neku didn't budge. Just closed his eyes and let tears he didn't even realize he'd been suppressing finally flow. They were silent, and pulsed with the same beat he could feel in his injured hand. 

Proof he was alive. 

"You really don't recognize me, do you? Did Joshua mind-wipe you or something?" Neku's voice was thick with his tears and muffled by his knees, but somehow still understandable. 

And Neku knew it was understandable because Minamimoto, who hadn't been moving much anyway, suddenly went completely still. 

The was a heavy silence. Then... 

"Are you telling me," and Minamimoto's voice was dripping with dark menace, "That the Composer _actually_ brought you and your little friends back and _didn't_ erase your memories?" 

So Minamimoto _did_ recognize him. 

"Why did you _think_ your little re-enactment pissed me off so much?" Neku finally raised his head from his knees to make sure Minamimoto got the full brunt of his sardonic expression. 

What he got in return was a shifty, uncomfortable look and arms crossed defensively across the reaper's chest. 

"Always a chance there was a hidden remainder. I figured the Composer would've included a compulsion to stay away from here along with the memory suppression so it's not like I ever expected you to see it. Barely anyone ever comes back here. I wasn't really expecting _anyone_ to see it." 

Then what was the _point_? 

Muttering something under his breath, Minamimoto got up and retrieved the bundle of cloth--clothes--that he'd tossed aside earlier before returning back to Neku's side, sitting down with a little 'oof'. Neku watched him lazily, cheek pressed against his knees. Anger still simmered within him, but he wasn't sure he still had the energy to do anything about it. 

"Why did you get to live when people like 777, Nao-Nao, and Sota didn't?" 

Minamimoto didn't so much as twitch, just grabbed the shirt from the center of the bundle and started tearing a strip off of it. 

"Gimme your hand." 

Neku didn't budge. 

Rolling his eyes, Minamimoto reached into the cavern of Neku's hunched body and gently grabbed his wrist again, drawing it out from where it had been sheltered against Neku's chest. 

The pain was beginning to hit, spots all over his hand stinging as they were exposed to the air. Without a word, Minamimoto began wrapping Neku's hand in the makeshift bandage. For someone whose very existence filled Neku with a rush of adrenaline, flood of anger, and inappropriate grief, his hands were surprisingly gentle as he tied the cloth off in a small knot. 

"Seriously, clean and disinfect when you get home. Don't want to kick it over an easily preventable infection now, do we?" 

"You could have destroyed Shibuya with those Taboo Noise... Of all the people Josh could have brought back, why did it have to be you?" Neku's voice was thready with exhaustion and grief and pain. Nothing made sense since Joshua shot him. 

A sneer was the last thing Neku expected in response, though, not after his non-response earlier. Minamimoto stood up, brushing off his pants from sitting on the ground. 

Half-turned to walk away, Pi-face stopped and looked back at Neku. 

"If you think _possibly_ destroying Shibuya was a point against me in that fight, you forgot which side you were playing for." 

Then he shoved his hands in his pockets and walked away. 

* * *

Neku did wind up with a slight infection in his hand from where he'd smashed his knuckles against the wall over and over again. Luckily, it cleared up without needing to go to the doctor, but it drew attention from his parents. 

"Maybe you'd like to get into some kind of martial arts? Learn how to throw a punch properly?" Mom asked him. 

"We might want to consider making an appointment with a therapist for him..." Mama murmured quietly to Mom when she thought he couldn't hear. 

Nothing came of either suggestion, but it reminded him that his parents cared. Even if they didn't know what had happened to him during those three weeks he was missing. 

Then again, these days Neku wasn't even sure if he knew what happened during those three weeks. 

He hadn't been fighting for anything except for his life and then Shiki's life. He wasn't part of Joshua and Minamimoto's pissing contest. 

He wasn't. 

Of course, that didn't mean he hadn't been affected by it. 

And Joshua had gotten his final chuckle at Neku's expense. 

* * *

_"WHAT THE HELL?!"_

Neku just wanted to be _done already_. He'd played this Game. He'd played it _three fucking times_. He'd chosen his soul over a guaranteed victory. He'd _trusted_ that little fucker, no matter how often it turned out he'd _completely screwed Neku over_. Neku wasn't even _allowed_ to play this game any more. Was this his punishment? To play the Game over and over until the Noise finally _finally_ erased him? 

Except people didn't walk by unseeing, ignorant of Neku's pain in their midst. Of his confusion. 

People jumped away from him in shock at his yell. People looked at him--in concern, in irritation, in fear. 

People touched him. 

An arm around his shoulders guiding him out of traffic before the lights changed when he just stood there, gaping. Hands on his face, tilting his head back as paramedics checked his pupil dilation after an ambulance was called because he'd curled up into a little ball and wouldn't stop shaking. 

Hands strapping him onto a gurney for the ride to the hospital. 

He was checked over by concerned medical professionals. 

No sign of head trauma. No concussion. _Did you take something, kid?_ No sign of drugs. No signs of abuse or injuries of any kind. 

Police officers with questions. _What's your name son? Do you have any ID?_ No. He'd left it at home when he'd sulked out of the house... three weeks ago? Longer? _Do you know your parents' numbers?_

And finally, finally, Mom and Mama had swept in and grabbed onto him and cried and cried and cried. They were so relieved. _Do you know how worried we've been? Where have you been? Are you okay? Don't scare us like this!_

For the first time in three weeks he'd felt _safe_. They could scare away the monsters from under his bed and lurking in the closet. They would guard his sleep. 

And that's what Neku did at that point. Just dropped off into an exhausted slumber, with no reaction but a few tired tears escaping his eyes. 

* * *

When he'd woken up, he'd gotten the gist of what had happened in his absence. 

The police had dismissed his parents' concerns, classifying him as a runaway. He'd turn up eventually, they said. (And he had.) Mom and Mama had been plastering the neighbourhood with missing posters, and with each day that passed they feared that they'd be finding a body instead of their son healthy and whole. 

(Neku never told them how often he slipped away to Shibuya, so much that it felt like his real home, not the quiet suburb they lived in. Neku had to scour newspapers to discover that his body had been labeled a John Doe and his... death... was still an open investigation. Neku might have a pauper's grave out there somewhere. He's afraid to go looking.) 

Neku apologizes over and over for running off that morning, for forgetting his wallet and phone, for taking so long to come home. 

He claims he got overwhelmed and then got lost in his own head. Tells them about haunting the streets of Shibuya (figuratively). About making friends who helped him get to the point where he could reach out for help; helped him be ready to come home. 

They went as family to therapy for a few sessions, but Neku refused to get into any details about his three weeks away. He just wanted to put it behind him, he claimed. 

Neku knew telling the truth would just make things worse. So he kept his silence. Even among Shiki, Beat, and Rhyme they didn't talk about the Game much. So all of Neku's feelings about it were kept buried deep inside, a festering wound he didn't even realize he had. 

Until he met Minamimoto in that alley. 

* * *

It turned out found-object sculpting wasn't Rhyme's niche. 

"She says she just doesn't _feel_ it," Beat groused to Neku where they were watching Shiki teach Rhyme about different types of fabrics. "Decided she wants to give quilting a try." 

"At least you'll get some warm blankets out of it," Neku said dutifully. In truth, he thought it was great that Shiki was getting a chance to share her passion with someone new. Shiki and Eri were working on restoring trust between each other after the miscommunication that had sent Shiki careening into Shibuya's streets, but it was complicated by Shiki's guilt over stealing her friend's persona during the Game. Which Eri didn't--and couldn't--know about. Things were still awkward between them. 

"Don't see why she couldn't have figured it out _before_ I hadta drag garbage all around town..." Arms crossed over his chest in indignation, Beat slumped against the wall emphasize his disgruntlement. Neku suppressed his amusement, simply nodding as-if in agreement. It was Neku's job to be appropriately supportive. Not an asshole. Besides, Beat didn't really mind. 

"At least we know for sure now she doesn't want to be the next Grim Heaper." 

Right. Minamimoto. 

There were still a scattering of scabs on his hand, healing slowed by the infection he'd gotten from not disinfecting his cuts right away. Neku rubbed them absently, remembering the strangely gentle way Minamimoto had held his hand while wrapping it. 

"Beat... What were we fighting for?" Beat's grumbling went silent. Across the store, Neku could still hear Rhyme and Shiki chatting excitedly, unaffected by the bombshell that Neku had just dropped. The line he had just crossed. 

They didn't talk about the Game. Not really. Not directly. 

They didn't talk about the Game, but they might recommend a store or store-clerk. Might talk about a shortcut, or a piece of Shibuya trivia. They'd never ask one another where they had learned about these things. Shibuya was precious to them, but the Game was to be left behind and forgotten. 

They were supposed to be moving on. 

"To live--for Rhyme; for Shiki." 

That's right. That's what Neku had always thought. Beat knew it, had sounded sure about it. Why was Neku suddenly full of doubts? 

_"If you think_ possibly _destroying Shibuya was a point against me in that fight,  
you forgot which side you were playing for."_

Neku hesitated before speaking. It was probably just Pi-face playing mind games. Like leaving them to hang all week. Or that fucking statue of his. 

But. 

"...Was that all? Are we sure there wasn't something else?" 

Darting his eyes over to check on the girls and seeing they were undisturbed, Beat grabbed Neku by the elbow and dragged him outside. 

"The hell's going on with you? What else would we have been fighting for? Isn't the right to live enough?" 

Jerking his arm out of Beat's grip, Neku scrubbed his hands through his hair. "Shut up. I know. It's just... How did we fit into that fucking bet?" 

Now Beat looked at him as if he were crazy. "What bet? What's goin' on, Neku?" 

Neku began to pace back and forth on the street in front of the shop. "What do you remember about the last day, Beat? After you snapped Shiki out of the brain-washing and caught up to me." 

Because beyond his perplexing question about Neku's own role in the Game, Minamimoto had said something else interesting that Neku had merely dismissed at the time: that the Composer should have erased their memories. Neku had thought that was just Joshua being his usual contrary and dismissive self; but what if he had tampered with their memories? What if the reason they didn't talk about the Game was because they were _compelled_ not to? 

Brow furrowing, Beat scratched at the peach fuzz on his chin absently as he thought back. "Well, there weren't much time to see anything before Shades snatched us all up as part of his 'final boss' routine. We stomped him, then me an' Rhyme were waking up in the hospital, at the end of our 'recovery' from the accident. Was downright eerie how there wuz paperwork and everything from a long-ass stay we didn't even really do... Had cards from classmates and bunches of flowers..." Beat shuddered. 

Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. 

They'd arrived after Josh's grand entrance and had Josh's gloating and final showdown erased. 

_At least they don't have to remember me getting shot..._

"But you remember how messed up the Game was when we were playing, right? All the rules the Reapers were breaking?" 

Lips thinning, Beat nodded and said nothing else. 

"And didn't you think it was weird how you never got to see the Composer while you were a Reaper yourself?" 

A gusty sigh. "Neku, I was small fry. 'Sides, Shades seemed to be running the show, if you ask me. Not sure how much work the Composer actually does." 

"Kitaniji _was_ running the Game. The Composer wanted to erase the Game and start over, or something, so Kitaniji made a bet with him--with Shibuya as the stakes. Without the Composer around, the rules started breaking down," a realization came to Neku, "Just as the fucker wanted to begin with. Argh." Another anxious scrub of Neku's hands through his hair. "If Kitaniji erased us, he won and got to keep Shibuya as it is. If the Composer won, he'd erase everything." 

"Shit." 

"Yeah." 

Beat slumped back against the wall. Through the store window, Neku could see the girls paying for their purchases at the register. 

"So we'd've lost no matter what? Live and Shibuya dies. Die and Shibuya lives." Now Beat was scratching his head through his hat. "Wait a second, though. We're here, and Shibuya's here. How'd that happen?" 

Through a mad man's twisted whims. Except Neku had just realized a flaw in his explanation to Beat; a memory brought back to the surface merely by talking about the event. Kitaniji didn't have to kill all of them--that was just the most efficient way to make sure he eliminated the Composer's 

_Proxy._

Neku. Neku was the only one who'd needed to die. 

Or... 

_"I blew it..._

...Not die in the first place. 

Beat was trying to get his attention, trying to get the rest of the explanation, but Neku was lost in his own head. 

More and more memories were pouring back. Minamimoto came to the alley that day trying to shoot the Composer in his weakened form--or so Josh claimed. Joshua also claimed that he would destroy Shibuya if _Neku_ didn't shoot _him_ and take his place. But Neku was supposed to trust his partner and he had and Shibuya had lived; they _all_ had lived--even Rhyme who had legitimately lost but had been Neku's saving grace in the end... 

Back it up. Minamimoto had shot at the Composer and had done so in the UG. Was it because Joshua truly was weaker there? Or Minamimoto just thought he was weaker there then proved wrong when Josh stopped the bullets. Or... 

Or had he only decided to take the shot as Joshua lined up his own? 

Rush of footsteps  
Neku turns  
Joshua running straight for him  
Gun rising  
Bullet flies past Neku's cheek  
Neku collapses  
_"I blew it..."_  
Looks behind  
Minamimoto with an arm graze  
Second gun raised  
Six shots  
A raised hand  
Tinkle as they hit the ground  
Minamimoto runs away  
Joshua takes aim at Neku supine on the ground and... 

Josh had waited until the last minute to choose his proxy; Neku had checked the dates. He'd been 'missing' for three weeks and two days. One day to die; one day to be found; 21 days to play. Or perhaps there had been another proxy for the first week who had failed and Neku was the replacement. 

If Josh had failed to provide a proxy, that was one less week where he had an opportunity to win. One less chance for Shibuya being destroyed. 

Minamimoto had taken a huge risk when he'd summoned the Taboo Noise, but he might have thought it was worth it if it stopped the Composer from playing with all of their lives. 

But why was Hanekoma playing both sides? None of this made any-- 

"NEKU!!" 

"Gwaaah~" 

"How the hell is Shibuya still here if we are too?" 

Maybe it was selfish, but Neku didn't want to correct Beat that it was actually just Neku who had been the problem. Neku didn't want to be in this alone. Didn't want to reveal the final game where Neku had taken a leap of faith, uncertain if there was anything below to catch him if he was wrong. 

So he shrugged. "Whims of a madman is my guess. Maybe the Composer changed his mind." 

The girls came out then, and the subject was dropped. 

* * *

_If I'd killed Shiki and then been erased myself, Shibuya wouldn't have been in danger..._

It was a dark thought, but Neku was in a dark mood. Mama had wanted them to go on a family trip to Hokkaido during summer break, but Neku had protested the idea of leaving all of his friends behind. He'd only just made them, after all. 

"It's only for a couple of weeks, Neku," she'd informed him crossly after he'd objected yet again to the idea. "They'll still be here when you get back." 

But would they? He was pretty sure they wouldn't purposefully abandon him, but Neku was painfully aware of how fickle life itself could be. None of them had planned on dying, but it had happened without their consent all the same. 

He'd stormed out of the house without a word--though not before grabbing his wallet with his ID in it on the way out--and begun stalking the streets of Shibuya. His headphones were jammed over his ears and he was barely taking in his surroundings at all. 

Neku was unprepared for a sudden presence grabbing his arm and the disorientation as sound from the world around him crashed back in. 

"--KU!! Are you okay?" 

Oh. It was Rhyme; Rhyme who had grabbed his arm with one hand and then used her other to dislodge his 'phones. 

Working his mouth, Neku tried to force out some kind of appeasement to clear the worry on her face, but no sound emerged except a strangled whimper which only caused her brow to crease further. 

Rhyme released his arm in favour of grabbing Neku's hand instead and Neku held on with a death-grip. They were near the underpass where she and Beat had had their original accident. He didn't want her to get hurt. She'd been hurt enough. 

_small creature light and fragile_  
stronger than him and beat combined  
last ally when konishi attacked  
comforting weight on neku's left shoulder 

But whenever they needed to cross an intersection, Rhyme would bring them both to a stop and hold his hand a little tighter while they waited for the light to change. 

_I wonder if she has nightmares about Beat running into traffic, like Beat has nightmares about her following him there..._

Despite any issues she might have, Rhyme moved with purpose, getting him out of the streets where his inattention could do him harm. 

"Welcome to Sunshine!" 

So they ordered burgers and sat down to eat in silence. As they ate, Neku moved from appreciative of the silence to antsy about it. The world was beginning to encroach in on him again and he wasn't sure if he was ready for it yet. 

"My parents want to go away for break." 

Rhyme's eyes lit up. "That's great! Where are you going?" She looked at the dark cloud over his face. "Or... is it not great?" 

He'd been planning to just mutter a vague complaint to minimize her worry, but somehow all of the poison he'd been hiding inside came pouring out. His irrational fears that something would happen to them--or Shibuya--if he left; the fact that he felt like his parents had always pushed him to make friends and were now tearing him away from them; that he feared if he left now he'd never get the answers he needed about what had really happened during the Game--that some invisible tether between himself and the district would be severed forever. 

Rhyme let him spew it all out without a word or interruption, and when he was done she was smiling sadly. 

"I get why you're so concerned, Neku," and Neku nodded while taking a vicious bite out of the burger he'd been neglecting during his rant. "But everything you're feeling right now about being separated from us? Your parents are feeling about the time you were missing for them." Neku choked and nearly swallowed his tongue. "All they want is a chance to reconnect with you, without all of the distractions of a place they probably see as having stolen you from them." 

Guilt. Guiltguiltguiltguiltguilt. 

Why hadn't he seen that? There was a part of him that was bitter that Mom and Mama hadn't realized he was dead--even before Josh's resurrection voodoo--and he hadn't even considered that thinking he was missing might have been just as bad from their perspective. Fuck, he was a self-absorbed ass... 

"So I should shut up and go on the trip to appease them," he muttered, trying to ignore the flush crawling up his cheeks. 

Surprisingly, Rhyme giggled at this and took a noisy slurp from her cola before explaining. 

"No, Neku. You should shut up and go on the trip so you can enjoy yourself with them," she explained. 

Oh. Yeah. Uncomfortable shift. That could be a possibility. He guessed. 

"Want to hear about my day so you can put off processing?" 

"Please." Surely she could understand him while his forehead was pressed to the table. She was young. She didn't listen to loud music. Surely her hearing was excellent. 

And it was. Rhyme regaled him with her mundane errands picking up more fabric for the quilt she was working on, dropping off lunch for Beat at his part-time job, browsing the new music selections at Towa Records, and it was great until she started in on Minamimoto. 

"Some of my classmates think the artist is going to be the next CAT, since CAT sightings have disappeared, but I'm not so sure. I mean, I love the sculptures, but CAT's works always came with a certain _joie de vivre_ , y'know?" And of course Neku nodded along at that, CAT fan that he was. "I just get a sense of contained anger from most of these pieces--an obsession with the worst of us all instead of the best. Don't get me wrong they're powerful, and I love them, but I'm not sure they have what it takes to match CAT." 

Neku could get behind all of that. Minamimoto _was_ an angry bastard and he _wasn't_ afraid to let everyone know they were beneath him, while Hanekoma was about lifting people up. He could hardly believe that anyone would even consider them on the same level. He didn't even get what Rhyme saw in the junk heaps. 

"Although..." 

That sounded ominous. 

"I found a new sculpture today while I was wandering, and it's different from the rest. Did you want to see it?" 

_shattered glass  
splattered ~~blood~~ paint_

No way. Minamimoto wouldn't have re-made it, would he? 

With a sense of trepidation, Neku agreed. 

* * *

The closer they got to the back alley in Udagawa, the more nervous Neku became. If he was right there, there was no way she wasn't going to notice the resemblance between the sculpture and himself. Then he'd have to admit that he'd died there, and since there was no vehicular access he'd have to admit he'd been _murdered_ there, and the fact that someone else was recreating the scene means he'd have to admit that Minamimoto was there when Neku'd died, but _wasn't_ the one who killed Neku (since he didn't want to crush the source of her new dreams)... 

It was a mess. 

"Beat told me you showed him a CAT mural back here when you were partners, so I wanted to take a look since people were comparing the sculptor to CAT, but the mural's pretty faded now, I guess you've probably seen that yourself, but there was actually a sculpture hidden back there too! I was so surprised, I wonder why they both chose the same isolated location?" She gasped and started slapping Neku's arm. "Oh! Oh! Do you think the sculptor might actually _be_ CAT? Maybe something happened to disillusion them and they changed media to express that new outlook? But, the statues don't really have any of CAT's stylings, and you'd think it would be hard to disguise _all_ of them..." 

She babbled on and on excitedly as they walked, somehow not noticing how tense Neku was getting as they approached. 

If Neku didn't already know that Pi-face was the artist she admired--not CAT--and hadn't been dreading what he'd see when they reached the mural, he would have enjoyed trading theories with her. It was the kind of nerdery that had gotten him ostracized from his peers before the Game. 

Right now it was all he could do to just let her babble away as a white-noise background-track to his panic. 

Sure enough, when they entered the alley Neku immediately spotted one of Minamimoto's monstrosities. 

But it wasn't the one he'd smashed those weeks ago. This one was new. 

This one wasn't Neku. 

The wobbliness in his knees was hidden from Rhyme by her disengaging from his arm to run over to the sculpture. 

The Neku-statue had been made from fragile glass; this one was all barbed-wire and pigeon feathers. This one was Minamimoto. 

Not the arrogant Game Master or dismissive Taboo Noise-hybrid--no, this was Minamimoto at his most vulnerable. 

_I blew it..._

Kneeling, one arm clutching the other--a single feather smeared with red paint to symbolize the trail of blood down Minamimoto's injured arm. An L-shaped block of wood held in the hand of the injured arm, ready to be transferred to the whole arm at any moment. A black cap over a red bandanna on the top of the 'head'; torso and legs wrapped in black fabric. The head angled not to look ahead, but at the ground in an attempt to hide the pain... 

"It looks like the sculptor spilled their paint back that way--" where Neku had smashed his own likeness and relived the worst moment in his life, two sets of foot prints walking to the mural from the spill, and there is still paint in the grooves of Neku's sneakers, "--but there's something about this work that feels different from all of the others. It's not angry or mocking. It seems, I don't know... Private." 

"Vulnerable," Neku contributes, remembering how it felt to see himself laid bare. "Lonely." Because when had Minamimoto ever had someone with him? Even his 'collaboration' with Mr. Hanekoma seemed half-based on threats of violence, and who knows which side the barista was really on? In a world where partnerships were the ultimate rule of law, Minamimoto had been fighting alone. 

Approaching the statue and standing next to Rhyme, Neku let his fingers trail lightly against the bloody feather. "But still angry. Just... a simmering anger, not quite ready to boil over yet." 

For the first time since her excitement over the statue had taken over her in Sunshine, Rhyme really seemed to see him again. "Neku... are you--" 

_Okay_ he was sure she would say, but she never did. Someone else spoke over her. 

Spoke. Yelled. 

"Hey! Get away from that you brats! Last thing I need is yoctograms like you ruining--" Then Minamimoto got a closer look. "Oh. It's you again. Well, scram. Go trash someone else's hard work." 

Rhyme squeaked. It was a very familiar squeak. It was Shiki's squeak upon meeting Eiji Ouji. 

(It was Neku's squeak upon discovering Mr. Hanekoma was CAT.) 

Neku sighed, extremely put-upon. But Rhyme was his friend and, even if Minamimoto didn't know it, he'd done her a great service. 

"Rhyme, this is Sho Minamimoto, the Grim Heaper. He was Game Master during the Second Week. Minamimoto, this is Raimu Bito--" 

"Call me Rhyme!" (Much squeakier than her usual introduction.) 

"--she was a Player during my first week." 

Minamimoto squinted at her. "Weren't you smaller and pink and Noise-food?" 

Well then. Minamimoto wasn't going to need red paint for his statue any more because Neku was going to smear him over the pavement! 

Rhyme winced a bit but nodded shyly--shyly! Rhyme!--with a quiet "Yeah." 

Before Neku could enact his violence, Minamimoto surprised them both by holding out a hand to fist-bump. "Good job keeping your sense of identity intact. Most Noise lose that within hours. You must've held out over two weeks." 

Perking up a little, Rhyme grinned at the compliment while completing the fist-bump. "Well, I can't take all the credit. Mr. Hanekoma found me and Beat kept me by his side. I couldn't have done it without them." 

Minamimoto scoffed before moving to fiddle with the back of the sculpture, attaching the metal appendages he'd brought with him. With the rattling the crushed soda cans made from where they were wired together, it was surprising they hadn't heard him coming. 

"Look, Hanekoma coalescing you so quickly, and your brother carrying you around, should have bought you an extra day, _maybe_ two. _You_ did the real heavy lifting. Nevermind the fact that the Iron Maiden had you in her claws for a week before you came back. Don't sell yourself short, kid." 

And Rhyme was just glowing under the praise, cheeks bright red as she looked down at the ground, a shy smile curving her lips. Was it really that her dreams hadn't been restored? Or was it her self-confidence that she could do them had been crushed after being knocked out of the Game so quickly? Was there a difference? 

Neku stepped back as the two talked, Minamimoto explaining the technical details of what he was doing--the materials, how he attached the different parts to each other, the safety precautions when handling things with sharp edges like the crushed cans and barbed wire. And eventually he even managed to coax Rhyme into talking about her quilting project. Naturally he was most interested in the shapes and angles she was choosing to relay her message. 

They talked and Neku wandered. He kicked the bullet hole in the pavement, scuffed his feet against the dried red paint and shiny glass-dust on the ground, ran his hands over the flaking paint of CAT's mural, and let his fingers explore the hole from a bullet that hadn't been aimed at him. 

Just like with the Neku-statue, Minamimoto had placed his own statue in the same area of the alley where he'd been shot by Joshua. By wandering to the second bullet hole, Neku was now standing behind the statue. 

Minamimoto had been busy while Neku had been wandering. The metal appendages were mostly attached by now, with only some extra supports currently being added by Minamimoto around the 'torso'. That meant Neku had a clear view of the additions. 

They were wings--six of them--flared out and menacing. Without them, the statue had looked vulnerable, but now Neku could tell that from the front it would be much more menacing--a leashed threat. Injured, but not yet defeated. 

Giving a quiet snort, Neku admitted that was pretty accurate. 

Upon closer inspection, there were little notes attached to the wings on vertical hanging slips of paper. Each held a complicated looking math equation. Quietly, while Minamimoto was distracted talking to Rhyme, Neku took pictures of each one to look at later. 

"What does it mean?" 

A question asked innocently enough, but Neku froze from where he was coming around the statue to join them, looking to Minamimoto with panicked eyes. 

The statue was more about the Reaper than Neku himself, but surely any explanation would require an explanation of the setting, and this wasn't something he particularly wanted to share. 

There was a brief glance Neku's way, before Minamimoto started shaking his head. "You ever hear of 'death of the author'?" Rhyme shook her head, confusion written across her face. "It's the idea that when you create something, you have a set definition of what it means and as long as it's in your head that's _all_ it means. But once you unleash it into the world, everyone who interacts with it will interpret it their own way, and that will probably be different from your own interpretation. It's not wrong, just because it's not what you envisioned, 'cause the minute you put it out there--changed it from private to public--your own interpretation as the sole interpretation dies; it's just one of many now." 

Understanding dawned on Rhyme's face while Neku tried to keep his sigh of relief inaudible. "So you don't share your interpretation because you don't want it to influence mine?" 

Minamimoto grinned and ruffled Rhyme's hair affectionately. "That's right. Not all creators do that; some _want_ their meaning to be known. Hell, some want their meaning to be the only meaning. But I don't care what others think. I do this to exorcise my own demons. If people find their own meaning in that, good for them. Not my problem." 

Rhyme was staring at Minamimoto with pure adoration on her face, and Neku sighed with defeat. 

"Gimme your phone." 

Well. Gob-smacked was a good look for Pi-face. 

"What for?" 

Neku rolled his eyes. "So I can program in my number. The group of us tend to meet up at least once a week. You should join us. Talk to people who know the Game but aren't _in_ the Game." 

Slowly, Minamimoto reached into his pocket and pulled out his phone, then tossed it to Neku who caught it without blinking. Minamimoto squinted at him suspiciously as Neku opened the man's contacts to input his information. 

"This is great! I'll have the inside track to where all of your new sculptures are!" 

Minamimoto's attention switched back to Rhyme. "I mean, I guess? Why would you want to though?" 

Neku snickered to himself as Rhyme treated Minamimoto to a tirade about the social value of his own sculptures--basically indoctrinating him in the meaning _she_ derived from his works. 

While the Reaper was distracted, Neku paged up through the contacts and sent out a quick text to "BOSS". 

_TEXT ME, YOU ASSHOLE!! You have my number. -NS_

Then he tossed the phone back to Minamimoto, deriving great satisfaction when the other fumbled the catch a little. 

It was the little things in life. 

* * *

Josh didn't text him. 

* * *

Shiki had volunteered to keep Neku company while he packed for his family's trip, but Neku had the feeling he was going to regret accepting when he saw the shark-like grin on her face as she lounged on his bed. 

"Sooooooo..." 

Neku rolled his eyes and ignored her, sorting through the shirts he wanted to bring. 

"Rhyme tells me you have a boyfriend." 

For a moment everything froze. Then Neku relaxed and kept sorting. 

"Rhyme told you no such thing because she's not a dirty rotten liar who enjoys torturing me." 

A page turned in the magazine Shiki was reading--or at least pretending to be reading--but Neku knew she was focused entirely on him, determined to squeeze every last detail out. 

"Oh reeeeeally...? So you don't know a super cool street artist with whom you willingly exchanged phone numbers?" 

At that, Neku had to snort. He turned around to face Shiki, who dropped all pretense of perusing the magazine and rolled onto her front to stare at him better. 

"First of all? Minamimoto is kinda the opposite of 'super-cool'; he's a super-nerd. He likes math and trash." 

"So you already know his likes!" 

"Secondly," he continued, ignoring her interruption, "There was no number 'exchange'. I gave him my number in case he wanted a group of people in the know about the Reaper's Game to hang out with." 

"So forwaaaard, Ne--wait. Reaper's Game? I thought we were the only players to make it out?" She scrunched her face up in thought, wiggling her glasses in the process. 

"He's a Reaper." 

All of the enthusiasm left her in a moment, alarm replacing it. "A _Reaper_?" 

Dryly, "Did Rhyme leave that part out?" 

Archly, "Did Rhyme _know_?" 

Giving up the packing as a lost cause until this conversation was over, Neku gave Shiki his full attention. "Well, I introduced him as the Game Master from my second week, but she was pretty busy mooning over his most recent creation so it's possible she glossed over that part." He shrugged. "Does it matter?" 

Incredulity was the overriding statement on Shiki's face when he asked her that. "Does it... does it _matter_?! Of _course_ it matters! The Reaper's tortured us for fun! You most of all! How can you ask that?!" 

For fun? Maybe if you put Josh and Kitaniji's bet on the table, and sure the Reapers tended to take delight in their jobs but... 

"He actually... wasn't that bad..." It was strange voicing it out loud. Neku's second week had been the hardest, partnered with someone he didn't trust, a Game Master aiming barbed comments his way (that in retrospect were probably meant for Joshua), Beat attacking him at random, the missing memories of his death, and the increasingly vivid flashbacks to his last moments whenever the three of them were in the same room. But Minamimoto had spent most of that week preparing for Day 7 and taking Joshua out. Most of that week had been spent doing Josh's little errands and being on edge waiting for a mission to come in. 

The main trauma Minamimoto had caused Neku was 'killing' Josh, but Josh hadn't been dead at all, and hadn't been who Neku thought Josh was--it was all a confusing mess that Neku tried not to think about these days, especially as Joshua seemed to have no inclination to set the record straight. 

"Neku, I don't want to discourage you from making friends, but... He's a _Reaper_ ; they're not even _human_ any more. 

"But they were, once," Neku whispered, picturing skeletal wings extended from Beat's back. "Players like us who reached the end of the Game, but weren't granted a second life. So they make due with what they have, and erase Players to keep what existence they've managed to retain from fading away. They're just like us--they just want to live." 

Shiki bowed her head, dark hair obscuring her face. "And when that lady Reaper told you you could win by erasing me, even though it was against the rules, that was just her trying to survive, right? When our Game Master kept singling me out as an _ingredient_ in his recipe, that was just him being like us?" 

Shit. 

Sometimes Neku forgets how easy it was not to care about what was happening to him--what he was _doing_ \--in that first Game, with no memories to weigh him down. Forgot how horribly he treated Shiki, because she forgave him so easily. 

Forgot that he wasn't the only one traumatized by what they experienced. 

Neku got up off the floor and joined Shiki on the bed, grabbing her in a hug. 

"What we experienced... what _you_ went through in that first Game... It wasn't supposed to be like that. There were other things going on, games within the Game that screwed up all the rules. That's why Mr. Hanekoma was able to save you from me that day--what Pinky did was against the rules. And... and I'm so sorry that I tried to k... kill you. I'm so sorry." 

"You didn't know." 

"It shouldn't have mattered!" 

But Shiki pushed back from where she'd buried her face in his chest and shook her head harder. "Neku, you _didn't know_. Not just that it was against the rules, but you didn't know what the Game was, or why we were playing. You didn't know who you were or any kind of learned morality. They _took_ all that from you. Mr. Hanekoma didn't just save me, he saved you too. _That's_ why I can't forgive them. They stacked the deck; over and over. I don't know how you can forgive them." 

Neku sighed, running his hand through his hair nervously. "I don't know how you can forgive _me_ ," he muttered, then waved off her protests--they'd had _that_ argument before. "It's... Look, there's a lot more history between me and the other Reapers just because we were playing against each other so long. Pinky, Lollipop, Def Märch--all of them helped us out when push came to shove and Shibuya was in danger; when things went completely off the rails. And with Minamimoto... he never made it personal like some of the others did--especially to you. He... It wasn't his fault I was dead," not that Neku realized that at the time, "and it wasn't his fault I was playing the Game," that was Joshua--from what Neku knew, most Players had a _choice_ \--"and even though the rules said he should have been hunting me down aggressively, he pretty much ignored us 'til the last day when he couldn't any more." 

And when the Game was over and done with, something about Neku's involvement had haunted Minamimoto after the fact. There was part of Neku who wanted to know more about the Reaper who valued the lives of the living; who valued Shibuya, just as it was. 

"He's... not all bad," much to Neku's own surprise. 

Pursing her lips, Shiki crossed her arms defensively across her chest. "I can't promise I'll like him... But I'll give him a chance." 

A weight that Neku didn't realize he'd been carrying came off his shoulders. Since when was Minamimoto joining them that important to him? Inviting him had been a spur of the moment decision. And it's not like Minamimoto had texted him yet, anyway. He might never show up. 

All the same, he pulled Shiki into another hug--another great benefit of having friends: human contact. 

"Thanks Shiki," he breathed into her hair. She relaxed into the hug and squeezed him back. 

"Now what's up with all the text books? You're seriously going to work on your _math_ homework while on holiday? Do it on the last day of break like the rest of us plebes!" 

Neku laughed at the joke and hoped that it hid his blush. He pointedly didn't think of the photos of the formulas from Minamimoto's statue sitting on his phone. 

He didn't unpack the math texts. 

(He did wait until the last day of break to do his homework.) 

* * *

To Neku's surprise, Minamimoto did eventually text him shortly after break was over. 

_Where u yoctograms meeting? -Sho_

It was a start. 

* * *

It was a disaster. 

Minamimoto... didn't play well with others. 

Well. Okay. Rhyme thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread and could usually distract him by chatting about art things. But Beat was always about two seconds from starting a physical fight whenever the Reaper started insulting him... which was also about every two seconds. 

Shiki kept shooting Neku these _looks_ , and Neku had to keep avoiding her gaze because nope. Nope nope nope. He did not have a crush on Minamimoto. Just... a weird and complicated history. 

(Neku may have worked on those math equations while in Hokkaido, but it's not like he got very far with them. Mom had been concerned about the school assigning work that was too hard until Neku explained that it was for a personal project. Then she'd just been bewildered.) 

Most days, Neku served as a mediating force with Rhyme, smoothing out the rough edges in the group. 

On the days when he hated Minamimoto for killing Josh and killing Neku himself... 

Well, on those days he tended to shove on his 'phones bounce pretty early. On those days even Beat gave Neku concerned looks. 

But... despite all the ways that it _shouldn't_ work, Minamimoto began to integrate into the group. 

Every now and again, though, there was a reminder that the Reaper wasn't exactly 'one of them'. 

* * *

"Can't make it," Minamimoto grumbled around a mouthful of ramen as they planned an excursion to the skateboard park for the following week. 

"You're dead," Beat rolled his eyes, fist planted in his cheek as he looked mournfully at his own empty bowl. "What could possibly be so important you'd bail?" 

Shrugging, Minamimoto slurped up another mouthful of noodles, speaking around them. 

"Work." 

Shiki startled, her knuckled going white as she gripped her chopsticks. "Work as in...?" 

Another shrug. 

The rest of the meal passed in uncomfortable silence. 

* * *

"Seriously? We're waiting for the light like a bunch of grade schoolers? There's nothing coming!" 

Neku was making 'abort!' motions behind Rhyme's back, but it was too late, he could already see her tensing. 

"We all died in traffic accidents. We've learned the hard way the importance of looking both ways before crossing the road." 

Usually when Rhyme talked, it was bubbly and cheerful, especially to Minamimoto. Now it was flat and challenging. 

Yet, surprisingly, Minamimoto didn't comment on the change in her demeanour, didn't push this new button he'd found. 

Instead, he looked over Rhyme's head and locked eyes with Neku. "All of you, huh?" 

Neku turned his head to the side, and refused to catch the Reaper's eyes for the rest of the day. 

* * *

Today Neku's wandering had brought him back to Udagawa and the alley in which he'd died. 

Most days Neku's wandering brought him back here. 

This time it had been on purpose, though. Minamimoto had been... persistent about trying to talk to him since the Crosswalk Incident two days ago, and this wasn't the kind of conversation Neku wanted to have in front of the others. So Neku had returned to the alley, and texted Minamimoto to let the Reaper know where he'd be. 

The Wounded Angel statue was still sitting there, metal parts showing a lot of rust as time had passed. Meanwhile, CAT's last mural was nearly unrecognizable. 

Even Neku's paint 'blood-stain' was almost completely worn away. 

Two small holes in the concrete and asphalt could still be seen, if you knew where to look for them. 

Neku wasn't looking. 

Neku was sitting on the ground again, his back to the wall, head buried in his knees. 

He knew Minamimoto had arrived when the Reaper threw himself down to sit beside Neku in a sprawl of limbs. 

"Why don't any of them know?" 

"Know what?" It was a useless deflection, but just the _thought_ of having this conversation was exhausting. 

Irritation crept into Minamimoto's voice. "Not one of them looked shifty or guilty or anything when Noise-girl claimed you all died via vehicular impact. They just looked like it was an accepted fact. Now, _I_ know you didn't get hit by a car. And _you_ know," here there was the muted sound of knuckles rapping against the ground, "You didn't get hit by a car. So what gives? Thought you were into all that sharing and caring crap." 

Neku snorted. "We talk about our lives, yeah. But we got all of that talking about our deaths stuff out during the Game. We're trying to move on." 

"Uh-huh. I seem to recall you accusing _me_ of killing you at one point. Seems like you might have been a fraction confused about things during the Game." 

The elbow to Neku's ribs was _completely_ unnecessary. Neku finally twisted his head to look Minamimoto in the face. 

"Josh had more fun stealing my memories before the Game than after. I didn't know what really happened until the end. And even when I thought it was you, we didn't have a lot of time for heart-to-hearts during the last week. Too much to do, not enough time." 

"And your friends just assumed you were just like them? Didn't even bother to ask?" 

A shrug. "Like I said, we don't really talk about it." 

Except Neku was thinking about it now, that moment when he saw Joshua running toward him, gun in hand. The crack of the gun firing. The lack of identity and confusion during the first week. The confusion and desperation of the second. The confusion and desperation and _grief_ of the third. 

Only for it all to be just... a game. A stupid bet. 

And an entry fee Neku will never get back, because he lost, even if Joshua proved himself trustworthy in the end. 

An entry fee Neku doesn't even know. 

Neku shudders, burying his face back in his knees. 

A tentative arm wraps itself around Neku's shoulders. The surprise of it pulls his head out of his arms again, to see Minamimoto looking up at the sky, idly scratching his cheek with his free hand. 

There a slight tinge of red to his cheeks. 

Neku's own face heats up, but... 

He's so tired. And the human contact is... nice. Especially without the need to explain... everything. 

So instead of pulling away, Neku slumps into Minamimoto's body heat, soaking it in, letting it chase away the chills of Neku's own anxiety. 

They don't say anything else. Just sit there, side-by-side, with Minamimoto's arm around his shoulders. 

(Neku is never going to tell Shiki that she was right; he might have a _tiny_ crush on Minamimoto.) 

* * *

"I'm surprised Minamimoto didn't harass him into telling the others. It's not like him to take on this touchy-feely stuff himself." 

_"Now, Sanae, you forget that our dear Sho doesn't play well with others, no matter the progress he's making on his social skills--he's never going to be the type to encourage 'sharing-and-caring' as he put it."_

"Sure, Boss, but doing the comforting himself? Didn't really seem his style." 

_"Tee hee. He really is making progress! But I think it has more to do with the subject in need of comforting than anything else."_

An arched eyebrow. "Really? Minamimoto? And our Neku?" 

_"I nudged their paths into meeting for a reason, after all. During the Game, Neku showed a remarkable ability to draw people together and bring out the best in them--even when he was showing his own worst. The other districts aren't going to keep loaning me their Conductors forever, and Shibuya has few candidates. But one that doesn't play well with others? Well. That needed to be fixed first."_

"And it doesn't bother you? I know you had your eye on Neku yourself..." 

A pause; a tinge of regret. _"I never should have inserted myself into the Game. You yourself reported how our Frequencies interacted to Neku's detriment. If I had waited until he was more stable... Now, there's too high a risk of destabilizing him again. No; our paths have diverged now, and walking back down that path can only lead to ruin."_

"So. When are you going to tell the new Conductor about his promotion?" 

_"...Not quite yet._

* * *

The sun was setting and it was getting colder. Even with Minamimoto's body-heat, sitting on the concrete was leeching the warmth from both of them. 

With great effort, Neku climbed back to his feet, stretching out the kinks in his muscles from being still for so long. 

Looking back, Minamimoto's arm had fallen back to his side, but beyond that he hadn't moved. Just sat there, staring at his own legs. 

Neku thought about it for a second, taking into consideration their complicated history, their recent interactions, the understanding they were developing, and the small warm feeling in his chest. 

Then he held out his hand to help the Reaper up. 

"C'mon, Sho. I'll treat you to a burger." 

Head snapping up, eyes wide, Sho tentatively accepted the hand up, before burying any hesitation with his usual smarmy grin. 

"Least you could do after making me sit on the ground for _hours_..." 

"Yeah, right," Neku snorted, his own grin beginning to form as he shook off the ghosts that were haunting him, at least for now. "I totally twisted your arm there..." 

They walked out of the alley, bickering warmly with each other, and that small warm feeling in Neku's chest burned just that slight bit hotter. 

It was a possibility; a Someday. Proof that whatever Josh had taken from him, Neku still had a future. 

And hopefully--in some form--Shiki, Beat, Rhyme, and Sho would all be part of that future. 

* * *

_end_

**Author's Note:**

> This was my first Big Bang experience, and writing to a deadline certainly helped me focus on the core of my story, but also left things on the cutting room floor as I ran out of time. I'm hoping in the future to do some short one-shots to fill in some of the holes/answer some of the questions. (If there's something you particularly want to see, don't hesitate to let me know in a comment! No promises, but I'll do my best!)
> 
> I welcome any and all feedback! :D


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